I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
