Sry I called you an 8
are you so shy because you have an std?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
