worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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