That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He passed out mid-signature
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
