hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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