Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
