I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
