So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
