i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
