Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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