There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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