Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
