Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
