can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
