Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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