Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
