just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
