She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
