Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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