Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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