I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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