Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
