Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
