ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
