By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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