Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
