Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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