I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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