If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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