Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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