Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
