people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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