Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
