Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
