the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
