the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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