We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
