Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
