the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
