first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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