I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
