i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
