His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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