His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
