Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
