break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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