I'm so fucking centered right now
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize