i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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