After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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