I am puke
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
