Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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