i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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