Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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