1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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