all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
