laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
