I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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