why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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