Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
