I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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