Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
