I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
