i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize