When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
