my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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